Ask Ellie: Should I break up with my closeted boyfriend?

Jul 23, 2021 at 07:59 am by Ask Ellie

Dear Miss Ellie:

I have this new boyfriend, and we have been getting along fairly well over the last six months. Who knows at this point where it may lead? We are good together, really good. I am out, but he is not, so this sometimes is an issue because my parents include him in everything our family does, and his family pretty much ignores me. It is like we live two different lives. We have the life with my family and friends and then a different life with his family and friends. No Facebook posting, no Twitter, no Instagram, no posting or photos. I am an MTSU student and studying photography and journalism, and not taking photos of the man I love is hurting me. I think we will break up soon because I just don’t feel him being in the closet is working for me. This is the man I am really falling in love with, what should I do.

- Living two lives

Dear Living Two Lives:

Oh sweet man, what sadness you must feel? I think is it wonderful you have the love and acceptance of your family and friends. They obviously support who you are and what you desire to become; this is true love and respect in so many beautiful ways. Coming out must have been challenging in so many ways, and here you are, intelligent, loved, and supported. Good for you and your family, we all should aspire to be as wonderful a family.

The man you love may not have had the love and support you have had in your young life. He may have experienced circumstances and have left him in a dark place where he does not have your confidence and comfort level. It sounds to me like you really love your partner, and he may even be your best friend. He is blessed to have you in his circle and to be loved by you. Give him time, and surround him with your loving and supportive family and friends. This may just give him the courage to emerge as his true self and free himself. Support him every day, and make sure he knows you are a solid rock of support. It may take years before he talks with his family. Just try to remember this is his decision only, and you need to respect his decisions. The two of you love one another and this is beautiful, rare, and precious. Love him for whom he is and be patience with him. Love is what you have, and so many don’t have love in their lives.

Lead by example, you have an opportunity here to change the world one person at a time.

- Ellie

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