Ask Ellie: How to handle a Girl Boss Bully

Aug 13, 2021 at 07:00 am by Ask Ellie

Ask Ellie: Girl Boss Bully

Dear Miss Ellie:

I have been employed with local government for five years and just have a boss that is very mean and sneaky toward the women in the office, but not the men in our office. She is sneaky and always looks at the girls like we are up to something — like talking behind her back — and then is mean to us girls. Many of the girls have been written up for things we just have not done, but, in her opinion, we have. She walks down the hall and yells for us "lazy women to get back to work," then chats it up with the boys. And we are working, and hardworking. She verbally attacks some of us, telling us we are spiteful women, and she should fire all of us. This is scary coming from the manager. This is just not right, and I want to quit my job, but need the insurance. What should I do?

- Back against the wall

Dear Back Against the Wall:

Regardless of where you are employed; in the public sector or the governmental sector, all employees should be treated with utmost respect and dignity. If you and your coworkers do not feel this is the case, you have recourse without fear of punishment. Reporting a manager can be a frightening issue, however it is time to gather people, get the facts, and report the issue. Make sure you have facts, not gossip or unquantifiable opinions. Let us look at clear and unclear reporting examples.

An example of good reporting: "On June 7, 2021, on or about 2 p.m. manager X belittled me, making me feel very small. She yelled, said I was a spiteful lazy employee and wanted to fire me, used bad language, called me names, was very loud, and I was embarrassed in front of my coworkers and clients. These unprofessional actions by manager X reduced my creditability with coworkers and clients, thus causing our team to fall apart. Unsuccessfully, I tried to explain to manager X that I was not involved in the mentioned situation, I was written up anyway and threatened with termination if this ever occurred again. Manager X refused to hear what I had to say. This event was also witnessed by employee X, Y, and Z, and clients as well. I feel this has created a hostile workplace, and I am asking HR to assist me in this matter."

An example of unclear reporting: "A few months ago I got reamed out by Manager X for no good reason at all in front of all my coworkers and clients. She yelled and yelled and cursed at me till I cried. I was written up, and now I want to quit. I hate her and want her fired."

Both examples explain what happened between two employees, one being a manager, and one being the manager's subordinate. However, example one is clear, concise and can be authenticated. Option 2 however, while still a statement of fact, is not clear, it is written with immaturity, and is somewhat temperamental. While this may be how the employee feels, it is far better to stop and think about how you desire to be perceived in the workplace first, then when you have your thoughts together and the situation is less heated, write your statement to HR.

We all report to someone, and if your manager is being disrespectful, then this must stop. First, follow the chain of command and talk to your manager about the problem. Be very clear about what the issue is, but also come to the meeting with a resolution. Don’t whine, be snarky, or unprofessional. Write down your thoughts, ask for a meeting, talk with a clear head, and be very clear.  If this does not resolve the problem, then the next step is Human Resources, or HR. You mentioned you work for local government, both the County and the City and dedicated resources to assist employees and will certainly work to assist you towards a resolution.

Sincerely, Ellie


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