SATIRE - Our first year in the Whitehouse

Jan 21, 2018 at 07:30 am by DavidLimbaugh


Editorial Note: We view this article as satire on the current political environment but are publishing because it reflects an authentic voice from the local community.

Our First Year as POTUS

In an amazing development, the Limbaugh-Looper-2016 pulled out a close win in the Electoral College using a strategy from YouTube.

Coach, now VP, David Looper and my chief of staff and previous VP candidate Bo Gingrich had a great time rounding up our Cabinet, http://www.limbaughlooper2016.com/cabinet.html

We decide to bring back Merrick Garland for the open SCOTUS judgeship.  We start hiring people to fill out our staff.  We tell our ambassadors they are doing a great job and keep doing what they are doing.

Mom, Sadie, Tom and Snookie love Blair House.

We have a small inauguration party with our friends, supporters and legislators. No fundraising from large donors. We didn’t take their money during the campaign and we are not going to start doing that now  

Move-in-Day at the White House. Mom and the pets love it! Kids and Grandkids love it too! 

January is going to be busy, but we already have our budget ready to go, http://www.limbaughlooper2016.com/budget.html. We have our cabinet and SCOTUS appointments lined up.    We use January to reach out to world leaders and congressional leadership.  Did I mention I had a great time at the Alabama-Clemson Championship game?  We got there very early and stayed extremely late to not be a burden to those attending the game.

One of the first tasks I take on in January is the Veterans Administration, one of my early priorities. http://www.limbaughlooper2016.com/veterans-affairs.html

Our second task in January is find out how Putin and Russia impacted our election (did those memes about Hillary help get us elected?) and make sure it never happens again, ever, even if it costs me a win in 2020.

What about North Korea you ask?  I go to North Korea. I discuss the concerns Kim Jong-un have with Moon Jae-in at the table with us along with an envoy from China and Russia. We assure Kim that we are never going to be a threat to his country and ask him, not demand, that he allows monitoring of his nuclear operations. He wants nuclear weapons for his survival. We discuss trade and other issues.  http://www.limbaughlooper2016.com/foreign-affairs.html

I hold weekly press conferences with my Press Secretary, Van Jones.  I answer direct questions with direct answer or promise to get back to the questioner if I don’t know the answer and either Van or I DO get back to them with an answer.

February comes around.  Monday, February 6th is the First Monday of the month and per Congressional Budget Act of 1974 I submit my detailed budget to Congress.  I am open to any questions at any time.  https://www.brookings.edu/interactives/keeping-up-with-the-congressional-budget-process/

We have addressed the VA, getting them better organized paperwork wise with some of my former great coworkers who know their stuff when it comes to IT and Record Keeping.  We will continue to monitor the VA and make sure the veterans are cared for in a manner that befits their sacrifice to their families and us.

Since being elected I have staffers monitoring my twitter and facebook accounts when I am not available and I make an honest effort to get back to everyone who has an issue or question.  Veterans use this plus a 24/7/365 hotline fully staffed to get with my staff or myself with their concerns and we investigate them. I am taking advantage of my Hall Of Fame 30 year career in customer support here and have some great current friends and old ex-coworkers and customers helping me.

February is Gun Control Month. http://www.limbaughlooper2016.com/gun-control.html  We are not taking your guns!  We ARE going to make an effort to get some realistic, effective, gun laws enacted.   We invited various entities involved in the issue to an open forum to discuss the issue and look for solutions.

March is Infrastructure Month. I remind Congress of what I have in my budget for repairing our aging transportation and other infrastructure needs. http://www.limbaughlooper2016.com/infrastructure.html  http://www.limbaughlooper2016.com/transportation.html

Looking forward to Cubs opening day.  Make a trip to Spring Training and talk Infrastructure at a conference in Phoenix with various engineer firms that are former clients and other people who need a seat at the table.

In April we address Healthcare and Taxes, since they are intermingled. http://www.limbaughlooper2016.com/health-care.html http://www.limbaughlooper2016.com/taxes.html

As a true conservative, we are going to make sure we are not adding to the deficit, tweaking our budget, healthcare and taxes to insure we are operating at a small surplus, bringing in stakeholders in each category to take advantage of their expertise and hear their concerns and ideas. http://www.limbaughlooper2016.com/national-debt.html

In May we address Migration, addressing DACA kids and refugees. http://www.limbaughlooper2016.com/immigration.html http://www.limbaughlooper2016.com/i-thought-christians-were-supposed-to-honor-and-witness-for-christ.html

President Limbaugh, what about Terrorism? We have been addressing that since the day after the election, but with facts and information, not nativism and bigotry. http://www.limbaughlooper2016.com/war-on-terrorism.html http://www.limbaughlooper2016.com/muslims.html

In June, I get back to Congress to check on the status of the budget.  We also address the environment and housing. Better to do this now then wait until winter in Chicago. http://www.limbaughlooper2016.com/environment.html http://www.limbaughlooper2016.com/homeless-and-housing.html

In July, we revisit the promises we made and make sure we are keeping them, http://www.limbaughlooper2016.com/my-promises-to-you.html

We also address the legalization of marijuana nationwide and the opioid issue. http://www.limbaughlooper2016.com/war-on-drugs.html

With elections looming down the road, we address voting rights and gerrymandering in August. http://www.limbaughlooper2016.com/voting-rights.html    http://www.limbaughlooper2016.com/gerrymandering.html 

September is busy. Cubs in the playoff hunt. Alabama football kicking off. Budget passed and on the books so now we can tackle campaign spending and the reversal of Citizens United v FEC and the abolition of Leadership PACs, http://www.limbaughlooper2016.com/campaign-spending.html

October is when we investigate out of control Eminent Domain and Civil Forfeiture laws, http://www.limbaughlooper2016.com/eminent-domain-and-civil-forfeiture.html

It is November, we are well into our fiscal year.  We address Education, holding a summit with educators and students, discussing their wishes, hopes, dreams and ideas. http://www.limbaughlooper2016.com/education-1.html

December is here before you know it. Now we start working on one of my big campaign promises, abolishing the Electoral College. http://www.limbaughlooper2016.com/i-want-to-abolish-the-electoral-college.html   We work on getting the 28th Amendment off the ground and in the process of being ratified.  It has been a great 2017!  Looking forward to my first State of the Union Address.   In one year, zero days of golf.  15 days of vacation, taking in a few Cubs baseball games, a couple of Alabama football games and a trip to Disneyworld with Mom, the kids and the grandkids.  You pay my salary. I work for you. 99% of work is showing up. The White House is an amazing home!   How did I do in Year One?

 

Thank You for allowing me to be your POTUS, whether you voted for me or not.


President David Limbaugh

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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