Ask Ellie: Boys Used As Pawns in Divorce

May 31, 2018 at 01:30 pm by Ask Ellie


DEAR ELLIE: 

My sister and brother-in-law have been divorced for a number of years. My sister continues to bad mouth her ex-husband at every opportunity. They have two boys together.

My sister has done everything possible to keep the boys from their father including lying, making up false stories, stealing money, and taking him back to court at every opportunity for another dime, until the man is nearly broken. She has done so many evil things, and she has driven a wedge between her and their boys, and she takes zero responsibility for her actions. My sister has turned into a lying, cursing, F-bomb dropping beast, and all she cares about is money and making her ex miserable. She has even voiced this out loud to other relatives.

My brother-in-law is a GOOD man, a devoted father, and loves his boys, and boys have begun to despise their mother, and say they hate her for hurting their father and keeping them from seeing their dad. This has got to stop, she is destroying what is left of our family, and she won’t listen. Do you or the readers have any guidance?

LOVING AUNT IN THE BORO 

DEAR LOVING AUNT:

Unfortunately, if you live in the United States, we all know those who are divorced with children. Some go through the divorce and have few battles to discuss afterward. However, many dig in and it is a fight to the near death over money and children, and some like to fight to their very bitter end of days.

This saddens me greatly; it always does. The adult got divorced; they didn’t divorce their kids. He sounds like a great guy, and yes, she sounds like a beast. However, there seems like there is a lot going on there that you may not know about, or maybe not. However, a parent should NEVER resort to name calling, withholding care, love, and support, or the breaking of the parenting plan.

If your sister has spent years doing this then she may lose the love and respect of her children, and if the children are minors, be looking at legal issues.  Too many parents use their kids as pawns to achieve their own goals, and it is ugly to be a bystander.

Get your family together in a room with one another and talk out your concerns. If she is not open to listening, bring in a mediator, family preacher, or counselor. If this does not work, keep trying. This is your family and helping one another is what family does. Time can heal all wounds, but if the wound continues to fester, sometimes to avoid infection, once must back away for a time, let the wound heal.

When you have this family meeting, it is important to involve your brother in law and the boys as well, air out the laundry, keep a cool head, and talk it out. Hopefully, this will result in an opportunity for healing.

ELLIE

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