There’s a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza,

There’s a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, a hole.

Then mend it, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,

With what shall I mend it, dear Liza, dear Liza?
With what shall I mend it, dear Liza, with what?

With a straw, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
With a straw, dear Henry, dear Henry, with a straw.

The straw is too long, dear Liza, dear Liza,
The straw is too long, dear Liza, too long,

Then cut it, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
Then cut it, dear Henry, dear Henry, cut it.

With what shall I cut it, dear Liza, dear Liza?
With what shall I cut it, dear Liza, with what?

With a knife, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
With a knife, dear Henry, dear Henry, with an knife.

The knife is too dull, dear Liza, dear Liza,
The knife is too dull, dear Liza, too dull.

Then sharpen it, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry
Then sharpen it, dear Henry, dear Henry, sharpen it.

On what shall I sharpen it, dear Liza, dear Liza?
On what shall I sharpen it, dear Liza, on what?

On a stone, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
On a stone, dear Henry, dear Henry, a stone.

The stone is too dry, dear Liza, dear Liza,
The stone is too dry, dear Liza, too dry.

Well wet it, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
Well wet it, dear Henry, dear Henry, wet it.

With what shall I wet it, dear Liza, dear Liza?
With what shall I wet it, dear Liza, with what?

Try water, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
Try water, dear Henry, dear Henry, try water.

In what shall I fetch it, dear Liza, dear Liza?
In what shall I fetch it, dear Liza, in what?

In a bucket, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
In a bucket, dear Henry, dear Henry, a bucket.

There’s a hole in my bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza,
There’s a hole in my bucket, dear Liza, a hole…

Couplehood. It is the dream of love we follow, the hope that drives us and the fulfillment we have longed for.

But how is it that when we find a love we hope to keep, that within six to twelve months, we may begin to experience “holes in our bucket”, arguing, belittling and distancing from each other. How did that happen and what can we do to make it right again?

Well, it is a bit common for couples, to experience the subsiding of the honeymoon phase, and the having their eyes open to the reality of life together; with careers, extended families and children.

But for many young couples, there may be a significant amount of information that they have never been exposed to, regarding sharing life together.

Below are listed some of the differences between men and women, that many of us may not be aware of. Understanding the differences, can help us to find greater understanding and respect regarding our bio/psycho/social and spiritual differences, while also deepening our connection and understanding about and with each other.

Did you know?

1. That women fear being isolated? Every time he rejects her overtures or raises his voice in anger, he is pushing her further into isolation.
2. Men and women’s vulnerabilities that influence the way they interact are invisible.
3. From Day 1, baby girls are more sensitive to isolation and lack of contact. this heightened sensitivity makes females react to another’s anger, withdraw , silence or signs of unavailability.
4. It is not that males prefer isolation or distance, females feel more discomfort when they are not in contact.
5. Men have heightened sensitivity to shame and the impulse to hide, disguised by arrogance, impatience, anger.
6. When his feelings, are like he is not meeting expectations, it feels like he is failing her – sending him to his own pain of inadequacy.
7. Cortisol: The pain a woman feels when her man shouts is caused by the sudden release of cortisol.
   Aman feels the same discomfort when confronted with her unhappiness or criticism.
8. Shame: the auxiliary interest of enjoyment. One has to feel interest in something or enjoyment to experience shame when abruptly ended by rejection.
9. For women: If I fail, no one will comfort me.
   For men: If I fail, I won’t be worthy of your love, comfort or help.

May we practice honoring the differences of how men and women are marvelously and wonderfully made. May we be caring partners with and for each other and have the blessing and privilege of loving each other and bringing beautiful new life into the world. And may we patch our buckets together and fill them full with fresh water together, satisfying each other’s thirst… like a ballad of redemption.

For the Support of your life
For the Many Sides of Life

The thoughts and opinions expressed in The Conversant Counselor’s Blog are those belonging to P. Jackson lpc-mhsp and do not necessarily reflect those belonging to any other individual or professional.

Submitted by Paulette Jackson