Rescue me
Oh take me in your arms
Rescue me
'Coz I'm lonely and I'm blue
I need you and your love too
~Aretha Franklin
Being a part of the mental health field, one can often learn that addressing issues for individuals is about gaining insight into the individual.
While wanting to "fix" personal or interpersonal issues, I often have observed that many people tend to believe there is a path, and it is supposed to be stable ... and "normal".
I always like what Erma Bombeck said about "normal"and that is that it's just a setting on the dryer.
I also have come to recognize that more behavior than necessary gets labeled as pathological, in avoidance of recognition of our fallen human condition.
One of those recognized human conditions is the desire to be rescued. This same desire also serves as motivation for self-protection and self-preservation. How the desire is shaped predicts the behavioral outcome.
In the mental health field, the desire to be rescued has historically been viewed as weakness or helplessness.
Intervention techniques for this issue can include:
- the chameleon approach/practice adaptive and creative skills
- invoking total responsibility for personal decisions and consequences
- fence straddling; i.e "It Depends"
While all are valid orientations, understanding each indvidual is the ground from where we hope to begin addressing concerns.
A famous experiment regarding rescuing was done by Martin Seligman in the Learned Helplessness experiment. (1967) The experiement reveals how having support can generate resillience to another.
A dog is placed in a cage and given shocks. Initially, the dog tries to escape by jumping to try to avoid the shocks. Unable to avoid the shocks, the dog finally gives up. Even when moved to a cage where there is a barrier separating the shock side, the dog still will not try to escape, even when the shock is signaled by a tone. (I know. This is sad. I'm a dog lover too!)
However, when there is direct intervention by someone reaching inside the cage pulling the dog out, in a rescue maneuver, and showing him a way of escape, the dog learns to rescue himself.
I love this. It reminds me that the reality of the human condition is, that we cannot save ourselves.The human spirit may be tremendously resilient, even tenacious, but our fallibility will reveal the need to be rescued by something or someone outside of ourselves. And when we are, the information will be retained for future use to help rescue ourselves.
There is no one prescribed rescue maneuver, but I think the one below is one of the best.
One Sunday morning, my husband and I were headed to church. It was a dull day. The mood was a bit dark between us as we got in the car, coffee in hand and pushing ourselves to the 9 am service. One wrong word on either of our parts and BOOM! an argument would probably be underway.
My husband loves James Brown. When he listens to James and the Flames, he likes the music turned up ... ALL THE WAY. In fact, a CD he had been listening to the day before was still in the player...
I carefully backed myself into the front seat, balancing Bible, purse and coffee cup like a divine Diva that loves Jesus and not wanting to spill the coffee on my dress. As I was completing this delicate seating maneuver and putting the finishing touches on facing forward, the engine started.
Without warning came the voice of James Brown screaming through the speakers: I-I-I-- F-E-E-L --G-O-O-D!!!! At the same time, in a somewhat higher voice I went A-A-A-H-H-H-H-H-H!!! and my husband followed with a baritone A-A-A-H-H-H-H-H!!! In that moment I really didn't know what was happening, I just heard myself screaming while trying not to spill my coffee!
After about a second, I figured out that my hubby's live backup performance with James and the Flames was still playing. I felt the neurons in my brain deciding on which path to take in responding to this unexpected concert. Well, I couldn't help it. I started to laugh...hard. Then hubby started to laugh. We couldn't quit. We recovered enough to make some exclamations but every time we tried to say something, we started laughing again. Then we were crying. We got the car going on the road to church and we laughed all the way. We laughed in church, we laughed on the way home and intermittently throughout the day. We had each, together, been pulled out of our cage and we were rescued. We felt good.
Facet for life: Motown - to the Rescue!
For the Support of Your Life
For the Many Sides of Life
The thoughts and expression in this post are those belonging to Paulette Jackson lpc-mhsp and do not necessarily reflect those of any other professional or individual.
Paulette Jackson is licensed professional counselor in Middle Tennessee. Follow more of her writing at The Conversant Counselor.
