"Before your child heads out to spend the night with a friend this summer, it is important for you to know they will be safe, where they will be, who they will be with, and if there be adult supervision," Child Advocacy Center Community Education Coordinator Brittnie Noble said.
The stark statistic is that 90 percent of children who are sexually abused are abused by someone they and their caregivers know and trust.
"You want to have a candid open conversation with your child before they spend the night at a friend’s house. You want your child to know that they can tell you anything and you will always protect them," stated Noble. "If at point in the evening they become uncomfortable or want to come home all they have to do is call you. You will immediately come pick them up—even if it is in the middle of the night."
Darkness to Light has these suggestions for parents on what to ask yourself before the sleepover:
• What does your gut say? Usually your gut reaction is correct. Pay attention to it.
• Is your child ready to spend the night with a friend? How old are they? Have they been away from home overnight before? How did that experience go?
• How well do you know this family? What have previous interactions been like? Can you talk with the parents about any concerns or needs? If not, consider this a negative on the gut-check meter.
• What kind of adult supervision will there be and who else will be present? Will other adults be around? Older youth?
• How does the family monitor internet usage? Where are the computers and video game systems located and what rules are in place?
• For older children and teens, consider asking about rules around cell phone usage Are they allowed to use them at all times, in all areas of the home?
• What are your hard and fast rules? This can include everything from what video games you allow your child to play, to how you feel about adults consuming alcohol while your child is in the home.
• Talk to your kids about different scenarios to help them feel comfortable with facing the unforeseen.
• What check-in points can you put into the mix? Maybe a call or text before bedtime? Are drop-ins okay?
Equally important is the conversation that you have with your child after they spend the night with their friend. The more you communicate with your children the easier it is for your child to have difficult conversations with you.
It is helpful for parents to know what questions to ask their child after the overnight stay with a friend. Here are suggestions from the Darkness to Light to help get you started:
Start by talking to your child privately. Resist the urge to ask them if they had fun in front of the friend or their family. Your child will feel compelled to answer "yes" to your question in front of the other person.
• Did you enjoy yourself?
• How did you spend your time?
• What was your favorite part of the sleepover?
• What was your least favorite part?
• Do you want to spend the night with this friend again?
• Was there anything else that you want to share?
School is out and children’s summer activities are getting started – riding bikes, swimming, ball games, summer camps, and sleepovers. You make sure your children are prepared with bike helmets and swimming lessons. Make sure you also prepare them how to be safe when they are away from home overnight. Download the checklist at d2l.org/safersleepovers.
For more information on how to protect your children and grandchildren from child sexual abuse attend a Darkness to Light training. For information on training dates, times, and locations contact Brittnie Noble at the Child Advocacy Center at 615-867-9000 or bnoble@cacrutherford.org.
